Weakness
by Opal Roseblossom
Summary: Jasper deals with the implications of Bella's apparent neutrality towards human blood. Slight Jasper/Alice fluff.


Weakness

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

In the seclusion of his room, Jasper screams. The walls absorb the sound obtusely. His throat burns with thirst and his body itches for the hunt. Still, he yells, because he cannot cry.

Jasper is overcome with the urge to lie down. He is not physically tired, as that would be impossible, and yet this weight that lays so heavily on his mind drags him to the ground.

Alice stands in the corner of the room, and Jasper cannot read the look on her face. She is impassive, and he knows that she is trying to resist the pull of his power. A flicker of emotion dances behind her eyes, and he realizes that she is not entirely successful. But his anger does not ebb. She walks towards him and lays a hand on his arm, and he is silent. A little sob escapes Jasper's mouth, and he tries not to recount the events of the day.

The image of Bella sits clearly in his mind. Her cool resistance of the temptation of blood drives him mad. How could she resist it? Her control is that of a vampire years older than himself.

He stands up and throws something against the wall. The crack it makes resonates hauntingly in his ears. Jasper feels instantly guilty. He has to acknowledge the fact that he _wants _Bella to kill someone. He _wants _her to have to go through what he did.

"It's not your fault, anybody would feel that way," Alice whispers to him, her soothing voice brings comfort to him. It is only the thought of her that kept his feelings in check during the day, until he could release them in private where no others would feel their affects.

Jasper looks into her eyes with a feeling of profound sadness. He traces the curve of her jaw with his sight. Suddenly, it is not Alice's face that he stares at, but that of an older woman. She is pale, and the circles under her eyes are a bruised purple.

The metallic taste of her blood is on his tongue, and he can feel the life flowing from her body. The look of horror that she wore moments before is replaced by one of quiet acceptance and despair.

"Jonathon," she says, as she dies. Who is Jonathon, he wonders. Is he a brother, a father, a son, a lover? Maybe he is one that she is sworn to protect, or one that she was to spend her life with.

Will this Jonathon come looking for her? Does he expect her home in a couple of minutes? Did they part with a quick goodbye, knowing that it should only be a few scarce moments before they see each other once more? Will he cry at night, and stare out into the sky, praying that she is safe? The humans are so fond of their praying, and this Jonathon will probably do so avidly in an attempt to get his deceased back.

Or maybe Jonathon is one that she is prepared to join. Jasper does not believe in heaven and hell, after all, earth is hell enough. She will never see this man of hers again, whoever he is. They will not be reunited. And he is sad about this, because he too has no one to return to.

At the same time, these thoughts are drowned out. He has blood, but it isn't enough, it's never enough. Jasper will kill another tonight, he cannot help himself. The tragedy of this woman does not decrease his hunger.

He is caught up in the bloodlust, and only Alice's soft lips against his forehead bring him to the present.

The vampire cannot stand it. He does not understand why he had become a monster, where Bella had retained her humanity. What did she have that she could keep such a valuable gift? He thinks that he is weak and useless. Maybe he was a monster to begin with, and the changes only reinforced the evil that was already there.

"You fought it, you still fight it, you are not evil, Jasper Whitlock." It is Alice again. He can tell from the faint smile on her face that she is trying to think happy thoughts in an attempt to reassure him. She takes his hand a gives it a squeeze. He does not know how she understands his mind so well; it is as if she reads him like an open book.

He sighs and the bulk of his anger fades. If there is anything that convinces him of his goodness, it is Alice. She is so pure that he knows that she would not be with him unless there was some shred of kindness to save.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too," he smiles back. _And you are all that keeps me sane. _


End file.
